You can call them baguettes, but you can’t fool Old Greg. Since we are going to use Old Greg’s original nomenclature, its best that we also use Old Greg’s original treatise on the musical spectrum and, according to Old Greg, all music can be placed somewhere on this linear spectrum.

At one end you have a living creature known as the Funk. At the other end you have the very rigid, very lifeless Breadstick. Both the Funk and the Breadstick hark a perfection existing only in Plato’s realm of the forms. Parliament, having acquired the Funk’s creamy produce achieved the only recorded transcendence of the form, but when George Clinton kicked the funk overboard the music returned to mortality.

Today we are concerned with the opposite end of the spectrum. The Breadstick. The first time the Puts really sat down with the intention of writing a song a there was some noodling and then Dylan played a progression and said, “Well, at least it’s not a stick.” That progression became a song called Happy/Fat and its conception is revealing of the nature of the stick.

It would be easy to write off all sticks and avoid them entirely. But so you aren’t sailing a vessel of bigotry, I’d like to post a few notable breadsticks…

Bill Callahan is a one man boulangerie. He is the breadstick. Woe be to a world inhabited by the spawn of he and Chan Marshall (Cat Power), which nearly came to be – they dated. This is his band, Smog with Joanna Newsome on keyboard from the 2005 album a River Aint Too Much to Love.
Smog – Rock Bottom Riser download

If you can’t find Brand New’s Jesse Lacey, check the shitter. That’s where he usually is. I like him there; from there he can sends up his songs about what being in the shitter is like. This one’s from 2009’s Daisy.
Brand New – Daisy download

This isn’t so much a song but it was written and recorded in the Stink. From such a shed can only come breadsticks of the austerest variety.
Lawnwipe – Agua Dulce download

Lastly, a song referencing Brooklyn, the Mecca of the breadstick. I first heard this song completely blown out in the passenger seat of a Ford Focus that was driving me back to my van early one Austin morning. It still sticks with me.

    • Ben
    • February 14th, 2010

    Agua Dolce: greatest contribution to this blog so far, hands down.

  1. wow.

    • spoony b
    • February 16th, 2010


    • spoony b
    • February 16th, 2010

    lord help any man in a ford focus

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